My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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