ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
