I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
