I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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