I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
