Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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