I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
