booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
