You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
