I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
