You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
