Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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