Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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