grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
