paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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