I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pants are for mortals
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize