a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
