i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
