he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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