Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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