If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we made out on top of his cat.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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