i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
