ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
