Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
