I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
