Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
