Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize