My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
