so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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