I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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