I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
