WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
