You surviving the open bar?
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Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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