i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
