no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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