Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
