Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
