We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
