Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
