Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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