I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
