i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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