my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
