I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
