Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
