Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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