We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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