You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
