The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
