last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
