in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
