I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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