I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
