Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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