i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
