The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
