my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
