ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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