im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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