Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
