Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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