I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
