You're so nebulous sometimes
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
