i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
