i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
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Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Watching her eat just hurts me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize