It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize