At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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