last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
