bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
