Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
