new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
