Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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