nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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