That's when you crack a 10am beer
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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