Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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