I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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