meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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