yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
