im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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